What is pride and how does it affect a marriage?

In his book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, author John Gottman writes, “In our long-term study of 130 newlywed couples, whom we followed for nine years, we found that, even in the first few months of marriage, men who allowed their wives to influence them had happier relationships and were less likely to eventually divorce than men who resisted their wives’ influence. Statistically speaking, when a man is not willing to share power with his partner there is an 81 percent chance that his marriage will self-destruct.” Could it be pride that doesn’t allow a man to be influenced by his wife? I think it’s safe to say that pride could allow a woman to self-destruct her marriage if she won’t allow herself to be influenced by her spouse.

As I’ve been able to more fully study families and marriages, I have personally come to the conclusion that pride is selfishness and selfishness destroys marriages and families. 

When speaking of pride President Ezra Taft Benson said, “When pride has a hold on our hearts, we lose our independence of the world and deliver our freedoms to the bondage of men’s judgment. The world shouts louder than the whisperings of the Holy Ghost. The reasoning of men overrides the revelations of God, and the proud let go of the iron rod. Pride is a sin that can readily be seen in others but is rarely admitted in ourselves.

Do you ever find yourself being quick to find fault at your spouse but slow to correct your own personal weaknesses?  Do you get angry quickly at the faults of your loved one but expect patience from those that are supposed to love you? Do you allow the ways of the world to drive your desires or do you humble yourself and ask God for direction in your marriage?

I had an experience about 15 years ago that still haunts me today. I had married young and began working in a new career. I worked with wonderful people, however over the course of the first 6-12 months they were slowly convincing me that I had married to young and I was missing out on “life”. I didn’t realize how much this was affecting the way I looked at my marriage. I began to find fault with everything my spouse did. What was really happening was that I began forgetting my covenants and commitments and I was allowing my own pride to convince me that I could experience life first and then find a suitable husband when I was ready to settle down. These coworkers almost had me convinced that I should divorce my husband enjoy being a young adult and then marry someone who already had a degree and a stable job. 

Thankfully, I was humbled and over time saw the error of thinking before I took drastic measures. I am grateful to a husband who loved me amidst my crazy emotions and was patient with my weaknesses. I saw first hand how pride really can self-destruct a marriage. 

I am thankful I had this experience which was my real first experience with pride and the antidote for it. As explained by President Benson the antidote for pride is humility, weakness, submissiveness. It is a broken heart and a contrite spirit. 

Sometimes humility is hard to swallow. But the strength that it brings far out weighs the weakness of pride.