Most of the married human population do not experience a fairy tale marriage. Real marriages experience raw emotions, discontent, sorrow, pain and frustration. As much as a young bride and groom wish for a blissful union with their new spouse as they begin their marriage journey, it’s not likely to be perfect every single day. Marriage takes work. Marriage also takes time to develop into something beautiful. Any marriage has the potential to end happily ever after but that comes from two spouses who have done a lot of work on themselves to create such an ending.
Dr. Gottman writes about the need for couples to turn toward each other. This means couples find meaningful ways in which they are able to connect. When speaking of this Dr. Gottman writes, “One virtue of turning toward each other is that it is so easy to accomplish. It only takes a small gesture to lead to another and then another. “Turning toward” operates under a law of positive feedback- like a snowball rolling downhill, it can start small yet generate enormous results. In other words, you don’t have to turn toward your partner in a very dramatic way to see the benefit.”
I personally love the idea of turning towards each other. In my own marriage I have seen that the little effort I put in to my husband comes back ten fold. I’ve learned the more attention and love I show towards my husband, the more attention and love he shows towards me. The key is being able to be humble enough to show love even when frustration or anger arises. It’s a matter of selfless service each day. Turning toward your spouse will put you on the road to obtaining your very own happily ever after.
What are you willing to do in order to turn toward your spouse today?
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