Dr. John Gottman writes, “There are few greater gifts a couple can give each other than the joy that comes from feeling known and understood.” Im pretty sure you can take this sentence and apply it to any relationship that you want to succeed. When we feel known and understood then we can easily feel loved. When we feel loved then we are more likely to love back. 

What is a “Love Map”? Dr. Gottman describes a love map as his term for “the part of the brain where you store all the relevant information about your partner’s life.” I interpret this as the ability to recall those things that make your spouse happy, sad, disappointed, excited and so forth. Its a matter of each partner truly listening to their spouse. It’s not about just hearing their voice, it’s about taking into account their feelings and remembering those feelings when good or bad times arise. 

If you know your spouse loves Chinese food and it’s been awhile since you’ve gone out for dinner, you would take the opportunity to take him or her out for Chinese food, not because you want it too but because you love your spouse and you remember they like this type of food. It’s simple acts like these that build a more detailed love map and in turn build a more solid marriage. 

Barbara De Angelis said, “Marriage is not a noun, it’s a verb. It isn’t something you get, it’s something you do. It’s the way you love your partner every day.” 

What will you do today to enhance your marriage and strengthen your love map?