It's Time to Forgive

For the past 8 weeks I have had the privilege of reading Dr. John M. Gottman’s book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work along with Dr. Wallace Goddard’s book Drawing Heaven into Your Marraige. I have written many summaries about the different chapters and how I can apply their teachings to my own marriage. My goal has been to hopefully help someone else benefit from the very insightful information.

As I have done the reading and researching I have come to one conclusion. That conclusion being that having a successful marriage is possible. It takes time, patience and practice. Successful marriages take two people who are willing to work through difficulties and not give up on one another. However, with that being said I have also learned that you don’t have to wait for your spouse to be ready to recommit to your marriage. The steps to success can start with you, they can start with me. 

I learned this week that I have to be the change I want to see in my marriage. If I want a better, stronger, more fulfilling marriage I must be the one to start the process. This process can start in many different ways but one specific way as described by Dr. Gottman is to forgive yourself. Dr. Gottman writes how criticism in marriage can be damaging and that there really is no constructive criticism. He writes, “All criticism is painful.” Dr. Gottman continues on to say, “Criticism in marriage comes form within. It is connected to self-doubt that has developed over the course of one’s life, particularly during childhood. In other words, it begins as criticism of oneself.” He also writes, “If you recognize yourself in the description of the self-critic, the best thing you can do for yourself and your marriage is to work on accepting yourself with all of your flaws. As I look back on my own life, I realize that forgiving myself for all of my imperfections has made an immense difference in my role as a husband and father.”

I believe that any time we want something in our life to change- that change has to begin with us. We are the ones who decide if we will quit or succeed. A marriage which becomes the crowning blessing in your life is possible. It begins with letting go of pride and doubt, it begins with forgiveness and it begins with selflessness. All selfishness must be laid to rest. Forgive yourself for your past mistakes and flaws and forgive your spouse. Seek to display gratitude and patience and I am confident that any marriage can begin on a new path.